hingivînekê azad
The second we’re born we’re put into a box that restricts who we’re supposed to be, how we’re supposed to act. The box represents the limitations of our identities. Born a woman or man, Christian or Muslim, black or white, gay or straight, society expects us to act and live within the confines of said box.
I was born into a box where I am often told that there are things I can’t do because of the nature of my being. I’ve been told the more I excel in my career, the less desirable I am as a wife and mother. I’ve been told that I am not allowed to experience desire or lust. I’ve been told it isn’t lady-like when I wear baggy clothes and kicks. I’ve been told that I can’t speak out against misogyny because it’s just the way things have always been. I’ve been told who I can and can’t love, how I can and can’t express my emotions. The limitations of my life were set for me before I was born. My sister and mother born within the same confinements.
My brothers were similarly born into boxes, larger more spacious boxes, but boxes nonetheless. They’ve been told how they can and can’t express their emotions. They’ve been told that vulnerability makes them weak, that compassion makes them lesser men. They’ve been told that their ultimate responsibility is to care for a future wife, they’ve been told they will always be the sole breadwinner. They’ve been taught that women are meant to do domestic work, that men have no place cooking or cleaning. They’ve been taught that by being a man, they’re granted more liberties than my sister and I, and that is just the natural order of things.
I’m a self-identifying woman living in a world dominated by masculinity. The way I dress has always been a form of expression for me. Some days I feel like channeling the delicate part of myself with soft colors and flowing dresses, other days I feel like channeling the part of me that is forthright and motivated with solid colors and pantsuits, others I want to channel my sex appeal with reds and silks. Am I any less myself because I refuse to fit within society’s constraints on femininity? Are men any less themselves because of how they choose to be or not to be masculine?
One of the most difficult things to do is to reach beyond the limitations of culture and grow into yourself, allowing yourself to be more than what is expected. Hingivîneké azad translates to “free honey,” representing the resilience and strength of living outside of our boxes.
We are most authentic when we don’t mold to the confinements of our cultures and societies.
